Tuesday, October 26, 2021

Fafda Files: Ahoy, Senior! Who art thou?

Seniors come in every size shape and form.  Who are you?  Come on, indulge me! Or you are too much of an introvert to lay it all bare?  Well, then let me go first and moreover I will list some of the responses from my friends, acquaintances, and some that I conjecture about.  Feel free to pick your type and acknowledge it in the comment section.

Minoo: A svelte roly-poly sharp-tongued senior best associated with the feline species.  As a senior I have bountiful ‘joie de vivre’ and love it most when I have an adversary with whom I can repartee.  My friends consider my shoulder their God-given gift to use when stressed.  I am that person who always gets invited to parties because (I am told), I bring life to the party.  My enemies (and I do have a few) wish they could get a chunk of my hair, pull at it hard and smack the grin off my face (it would take grit for anyone to get that close to me).  My motto is to ‘Never Say Die.’

Pramila: A septuagenarian who loves to cook, with a green thumb which is insured, because there is nothing, I cannot grow in my patio garden.  I am OCD about cleanliness and those yells you hear in a pained male baritone is none other than my Retired Army Major husband on whom has befallen my wrath for not setting his walking shoes at an exact 2 inches to the right of the door.  I love to watch the news and am a Monday morning quarterback.  I walk 5 miles a day come rain or shine and pride myself for my healthy eating habits.

Nicolas: A roofless body with the energy of a sloth.  You got it; I am a couch potato.  I like nothing better than to have my favorite cup of Espresso while sitting comfortably on my EZ boy chair.  I am indestructible!  You question my immodesty?  Well, you be the judge – I have lived with my wife of 45 years who can be best described as a person whose tongue was rolling before she quite made it out of her mother’s-tired birth canal.  (Her birth certificate has a special mention from the nine months old, defeated uterus – Never Again)!

Carmen (aforementioned Nicholas’ wife): I am a female whose life’s ambition is to (a). burn the rocking chair; (b). get a petition started against ‘watching excessive tv” which should be considered a form of domestic abuse; (c). Constitutionalize that – ‘jokes regarding the length of monologues by the spouse to be monetarily weighted in equal proportion’, i.e.: a party struck in the head with a wireless remote control leading to a quick registration for cremation sites, wherein the perpetrator/defendant must be prosecuted under the grounds of Justifiable homicide and set free with compensation.

Melania Crump: I, of Eastern European origin not a friend of Utin (wink wink) am very pretty.  I wake up everyday thinking of what I will be wearing that day and how I will avoid all contact with my husband with yellow hair. I have many secret identities to which I match my guards.  For example: I wear Russian glasses, Jack Ryan must wear Russian dress so I can identify him when I am shopping at Hermes.  I am not fond of my stepchildren and I steal their candy when they are not looking – sometimes I give it to my son Carrom.  He not carrom board, he just too many holes in head.  I love myself.

Ileana, Sumitra, Manali, Donatello:  We are foodies.  Our life is all about what street food we are going to hit for a snack and which fancy restaurant we are going to for dinner.  We travel a lot and while some people go for island sojourns, trekking, religious or cruise vacations – we follow the legacy of Anthony Bourdain.  We live to eat, and our mantra Eat, Pray and Love is manifested as such -Eat (and eat like it is our last meal), Eat (and Pray that we live forever), Eat (and Love what we eat) for food is the hallelujah of our existence.  We consider ourselves a happy breed and have written our eulogy, thus:

“As long as there are Pav-Vadas, Vodka Noodles, Bhel, Pani Puri and Matka Kulfi, we will be born and reborn again and again.  See you soon Chowpatty.”

Do not worry about stereo typing with any of the above, Seniors, good or bad – your gray hairs, disproportionate figures, belching in company and proudly designating pajamas as your signature style are rights you have earned.  As for me, I am at the height of bungling my way through Life’s maze and if I miss a turn – so be it!

Minoo Shah
Minoo Shah, a resident of Texas, USA since 1976,  is a former journalist and has served on many community boards. She is currently studying towards her Ph D in the liberal arts and humanities. She writes on SeniorsToday.in every Saturday. Her views here are personal, and the Editors and Publisher of Seniors Today do not necessarily endorse her views.

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