Ambiguity is a virtue best served with a thick skin, a slice of malice and a propinquity with the devil, writes Minoo Shah
I was getting a lot of grief from my partner who has been by my side 24×7 and has forced me to publicly acknowledge our live-in relationship. Hence, I decided to update my status on social media from single to married. I can see that it has been very well received by friends and family who have expressed sincere joy. My mother called up her distant cousins and bragged, my other family members were shocked at how I could have kept them in the dark for so long but soon enough the gifts started rolling in, four being toasters but the majority were cash as is traditionally prevalent.
Cautiously, weigh my next few lines as an alert to a wicked woman’s tripe emblazoning a trail – oh so fictitious! Read on, you dastards as I without further ado, clue you into my intentions; for, ambiguity is a virtue best served with a thick skin, a slice of malice and a propinquity with the devil.
I will start by introducing the love of my life, who has been through thick and thin with me this past year. At a time when social distancing and masking is mandatory, he has immunity and only needs an occasional swab of hand sanitiser. I lovingly address him as AP.
AP and I have participated in many a zoom meeting, listened to musicals and weekend binging on Netflix movies. What makes him a fun partner in crime is that he never tries to share my popcorn or slyly take a sip of my soda. Instead he gives me space and is comfortable in any position as long as he gets to be close by. In return I periodically shower him with new apparel, the latest being a Hawaiian motif tree of life coverall. He puts up with my temper tantrums, patiently waiting on the side lines ready to comfort me when I need him. The only thing he will not do is housework! We have argued about it, but he is relentlessly resolute. I call him high maintenance but concede because you cannot win them all! Right?
‘Yoo-hoo’ – single women out there who are drooling and wondering – ‘how come she gets the good ones?’ My heart seems to have an overflow of lactile juices presently, so I will share with you a facile ‘male order’ process:
- Credit Card
Go to Amazon.com and make a choice – your options will range between Chinese, Taiwanese, Japanese, Russian but my advice is to go with the true and tried able-bodied American.
Be willing to take the plunge remembering that you get what your pay for.
I advocate Patience as Mother Murphy of the Law family will intervene and cause the internet to crash when you are at the tail-end of your transaction.
Like any decision you make in life, it is a fifty-fifty win or lose situation, but the good news is most of them come with a 90-day refundable or free replacement guarantee. As a matter of fact, I am willing to trade in my beloved AP for a Pro with the gift money, I have received. I never said I was not fickle, my affections for all things technology are short-lived and when something tantalising comes on the market, I swoon and must make it mine! My ‘Air Pad’ understands and will willingly go to whosoever takes him. I do recommend him because he has been seasoned, debugged, and trained to make you happy.
Gotta be MIA for a while and distance myself from outraged relatives demanding their gifts back and my mom’s guilt infused tirades. Toodle-oo until next time!