Pothotles, WhatsApp chatters, Elections, Junk Mail, Facebook Freaks… these are a few of Minoo Shah’s peeves. Read on…
Everyone has them and so do I.The degree of angst may vary but keep on reading and see if any of my top five pet peeves in a random order, get you nodding your head with the same vehemence as the bell of Notre Dame when Quasimodo went at it with the flourish of a pole vaulter.
- Potholes – I do not understand why there is no permanent fix for these. Many a pregnant lady has published stories, the horrors of which must never be retold to tender ears.There is not a car suspension system that can withstand those in Bellaire if you are in the US or Bhuleshwar if you were in Mumbai. I battled one of those recently and what happened to my solar plexus is akin to how Mount Vesuvius felt prior to spewing.
- WhatsApp Chatters – Particularly those that feel obliged to wish Good Morning every morning at the crack of dawn. When the phone plays its cryptic tone during your REM, which in my insomniac case is at precisely 5 am, I glare at it with venom that would send cobras rushing off to find antidotes.I have a message for these acquaintances, (friends I shall not call them), it does not matter how many of those philosophical thoughts of the day you send, when I don’t respond to them with even a civil thumbs up emoji – it means STOP!
- Elections – I get It that it’s my civic duty to exercise this God-given opportunity to vote in some lying, corrupt politician who will then proceed to raise my taxes and wallow in the good fortune that allows him to send his imbecile children to private schools.I cast my vote anyway because of some inner sense of guilt.My question is, do the ‘I have too much time on my hands’ vote bank volunteers have to call me every freaking day – 5 times a day, followed by a chat message?I have a question for Apple – why does the ‘block this caller’ not work for these Political Action Committee telephone lines?
- Junk Mail – I never ordered the ton-load of glossies that served a better purpose as a tree and that fill the mailbox every day.Do you know that I have jumped over the back fence (not a pretty sight) and run circles around the block just to avoid menacing glances from the mailman, who has had to trudge through snow, ice, rain and heat to deliver a pile that will meet their destiny in the nearest garbage can without so much as a glance from me.
- Facebook Freaks – those people whom you friended during a drunken stupor when you saw the world as a wonderful place where stars were God’s daisy chains and clicked the confirm button to regret forever the dastardly deed.Because do you know that you cannot in real life ever unfriend them.They will find you on the public page or when someone tags you.They will then proceed to stalk you down and remind you that you have not liked their posts or commented on the cute pictures of their family vacations.Really?Like my life is not insignificant enough, I am supposed to cherish your fun memories.
Precisely at this point those of you readers who think –‘but, I don’t have a mailbox’ or ‘I am too smart to drive over a pothole’ or ‘my WhatsApp and Facebook friends are not uncouth!’ and ‘certainly the pollsters are welcome to call me’ – here’s my retort to you – “ Liar, liar pants on fire.”