Fafda Files: Is Marriage a Defunct Idea?

Fafda Files Is Marriage a Defunct Idea - Seniors Today

Minoo Shah dedicates this week’s column to rationalise to a sanctimonious society why the institution of marriage is defunct and an idea whose time has lapsed

To be or not to be is the question Shakespeare asked centuries ago. Wonder why he was in a quandary about something we the people think is meant to be. A lifestyle shoved down the esophagus eons ago – we are born, we grow up, we torment our parents, then we get married and live through years of compromised torture only to get old and die. No one can argue against this universal truth about what our forefathers called the cycle of life. Albeit some of us got divorced, widowed, or went into witness protection programs to seek a minutia of happiness. Which is why I shall address the youth, and dedicate this week’s column to rationalise to a sanctimonious society why the institution of marriage is defunct and an idea whose time has lapsed. This applies to all cultures Eastern, Western, Pompous, LGBTQ and members of the D company.

To substantiate my rather alien philosophy, at this point I should throw in global statistics about failed marriages, divorces, custody battleground and domestic abuse but that would make this a boring article. So, let us just accept my take on where we are headed. To convince you, following are a few theories that I would like you to wrap your head around.  By this I mean get your head out of the sand while simultaneously agreeing to let go of your mental block regarding anything that ‘mausijees’, ‘fiyas’ or any other perfunctory individual that has succeeded in brainwashing you in the name of ‘parampara’!

How many genuinely happy couples do you know? Before you shout ‘my parents’ out of sheer guilt or because your mindset has been conditioned into believing so, go down memory lane.  Quickly slap yourself out of this traumatic experience and get a reality check.  In the last few decades, there has been a social shift much like the tectonic plates that divided land into continents. Inter-Dependency amongst couples has decreased, co-parenting has increased, grandparents have been hidden in nursing homes and the entire familial aspect of what marriage was supposed to anchor is for naught.  

Now that I have your attention and the wrath of your ancestry. I will let you in on a fact of life – or as my father used to say, ‘when marriage comes into the door, love flies out the window’! Romantic fellow with a futuristic outlook, huh? Be that as it might, six decades ago, he was onto something.  I will put it in a nutshell – the emotion commonly known as love is spelled ‘lust’.  Nothing wrong with it, it is a mere bodily function.  However, during this syllogism, it is necessary to put things in the right perspective in your ever-deviating state that yearns for a utopian life.

A Utopian life is what you make of your existence.  For eg: when I look out of the window and see leaves fluttering because a gulf stream breeze dared to invade its’ humid and sultry life, my heart leaps in sadistic pleasure.  To prove my point, if I may please intrude upon unchartered territories such as your romantic sojourn with a beau/belle at a candlelight dinner:

Beau: {Wonder if the cost of this dinner will get me into proximity with her chastity belt}?

Belle: {Is he the one or should I take the safe route and say yes to an arranged marriage}.

The answer is self-explanatory, who are you fooling?  As is my habit, I never leave loose ends when starting a dialogue, so every problem to which I have exposed your wee mind, it is my ardent wish to pass on a solution.

Live in what is commonly described as ‘sin.’  If co-habiting in a stress-free existence with no strings attached is wrong, then please err on the side of wrong.  You will leave with the same investment you ventured in with.  Unless, on a tipsy evening, you decided to forego caution and nine months later bore the fruits of your labour, redeem yourself by being kind to this dividend.  If you do decide to re-invest in this relationship, then prioritize your commitments without making this third party a bone of contention.

Now comes the part where I see the readers of this prestigious magazine, nod their heads in unison to my sentiments.  Their children are mostly the peeps that I will have shocked out of a dysfunctional existence of perpetual denial.  And in addressing this clueless generation, whose hair is rising amidst a thoracic anger that wishes to strangulate me across oceans (tee-hee, you cannot), take a moment and go down memory lane.  If it helps, focus upon the billboard like flashing neon lights in your head screaming ‘the world is a-changing’.  Secondly, if it is any consolation, yes, the aliens infiltrating is a leading cause of all this dilemma.  Go back to your superficial life and find solace in whatever puts a smile back on your face – remember you are not alone in this existential crisis, the world is with you #it will be alright#let it go#eat a bhutta#!

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