Page 29 - SeniorsToday May20
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Even if it was still relatively thin. But it
didn’t completely drop me to the bottom.
There were also moments and thoughts
when I suddenly wanted to flee from the
whole situation and end it. But my will to
survive won.
‘This situation is not worth it’
And now there is a very decisive factor. I had
Excuses for betrayal are aplenty, but it is often due to an wonderful friends by my side. No matter,
inner loneliness
how many times I called and told them the
was the best, that she loved him forever and story or my condition again and again. No
couldn’t stay a moment without him. These matter, how often I only cried desperately on
were all empty image boy girl promises (the the phone or in person. No matter how many
man was incapable of having sex) times I was angry. They were always there
A relationship should be on an equal for me. I realised, who my real friends are
footing and not one where only one gives and who only calls themselves friends.
and the other one takes. Without these people - I later invited
What did I do wrong? No longer just giving. almost all of them and thanked them from
Otherwise? I don’t know. the bottom of my heart and told them that
What does she have that I don’t have? She is they are my true family of hearts - without
10 years younger? Blond? She tells him what these people, I would not have overcome
he wants to hear? Supposedly promise him a this situation so well. It was them, who kept
new, exciting life? trying to answer my questions. I wanted to
What can I do? Nothing. understand and have an explanation. They
And this was the hardest part. were the ones who gave me advice and action
I couldn’t do anything. Just watch how he and kept me sane and alive. And it was them
behaved more and more like a teenager every who strengthened the foundation more and
day who wears pink glasses and only sees more.
himself and his world. After my husband had physically left the
Not sleeping for so many nights, crying house, I slowly started making our once
for so many days, and constantly asking mutual home to become mine. I repainted
questions to which there was no answer. the bedroom, moved the furniture and
What hurt me the most was that the two designed it the way I want it so that I feel
people most important in my life had lied comfortable. Just me.
to me in my face and betrayed me. For me, I no longer had to be considerate or ask
this was a very bad, physically noticeable anyone. Another new experience.
disappointment and injury. What do I want after all? What do I need so
What gave me support internally was that that I am fine and feel good?
it knew: I can do it. The focus was no longer on him, but it was
The disappointment and the feeling of changing my focus onto me.
being worthless got better with time. A very important step. Now I became
And this knowledge gave me a foundation. important.
SENIORS TODAY | ISSUE #11 | MAY 2020 29
