We have no choice but to be conscious about this cosmic law and continue living without fear or dread, writes Nagesh Alai
Fortuity or adversity; neither can be predicated nor can anyone be prepared for it. It is just nature’s way of hurling a curved ball towards us; we either catch it or drop it or hit it or get hit by it. There can really be no perfect response or reaction to it except the willingness to accept and adapt to the consequent change and go with the flow, especially the elders getting on in age.
Verily, health issues and debilities and ways and means of handling them permeate most conversations about the geriatrics. The challenges of the waning body and the impact on the physicality of routine existence are indubitable and the ability and resources to handle it are far too varied, but uniformly the stoic and resilient face it admirably while others get by with social support. Could it be any different in the case of other changes or circumstances that disturb and disrupt an ageing engine that was otherwise chugging along whistling in the dusk of life.
For Trilok and Unnati, happily married for over 40 years with two lovely daughters, both settled abroad with their respective spouses and children, it was like any other day a month ago. Unnati had just returned home that afternoon, after a week’s hospital stay, for a minor surgical intervention. As usual, they retired to bed at night. Within 15 minutes, Trilok heard a whimper and sob from Unnati and nudged her to find out if she is okay and should he be calling a doctor. He didn’t get any response from Unnati. Her body had turned cold. She had quietly, without much ado, migrated to her creator’s portals. A massive cardiac arrest had ensured that and attempts at reviving her for the next hour didn’t help. Trilok was staring at a life without his life partner whom he adored. With the help of his wife’s siblings who were just a few kilometres away and his own siblings, Trilok had to move the mortal remains to a mortuary for a day, awaiting the return of one of his daughters for the cremation. A practical and complacent man that Trilok is, though much bereft at the irreparable loss, is coming to terms and getting on with life. He did not get into any of the usual rites and rituals. He is getting onto a flight in the next one week to the far away west, to be with his elder daughter who was precluded by the distance to see her mother before her final journey. A family reunion of sort to grieve in private and re-live the memorable times spent with the beloved family matron. This family support and engagement, albeit in distant lands, is what’s going to keep him going for the remainder of his time.
An elderly couple, very healthy, in their seventies and empty nesters for long, with both their children living abroad and never to return, recently took the decision to move lock, stock and barrel, from their centrally located and comfortable home in Mumbai, to a distant assisted living facility in distant Bengaluru, to experience the facilities in advance and be prepared to face any potential inclement geriatric times of the future. It is anybody’s guess as to how the assisted living will pan out at the crucial times of need, especially if there is any incapacity of mind and body. The call to his children in distant lands is inevitable, but equally its questionable about their ability to be in India for any extended time. We all live in hope, not to become despondent about the probabilities and imponderables of time. Another friend, much senior to me in school, had moved from his cozy independent bungalow in Chennai to the distant Kovai to be amid people of his profile and age. One of the reasons to choose Kovai was proximity to his daughter should he face any impossible situation of limb and life.
Donald, nudging 80, discovered that Joan, 74, his partner of 45 years, is showing signs of Alzheimer’s. Albeit at early stages and medication continuing, he is worried no end about the gradual and inescapable eventualities of the debilitating condition and is always by her side. I get to meet them almost every day at our morning walks. One hopes that this delightful couple, full of joie-de-vivre, can cope well with the active support and companionship of their daughter and her family, who fortunately live in the same housing complex.
Another elderly couple, closer home, is trying to come to grips with the imminent departure of their elder son, daughter-in-law and a bonnie 8-month-old bundle of joy to Bengaluru in the next few weeks. Their younger son had migrated abroad a year ago and the couple was left with the joy of only periodic video connects and conversations. The arrival of the grand daughter had been an immeasurable joy for them, showering the grand child with all the affection and cuddles and seeing her grow from cradle to crawl and from bawl to giggle with the daily joy rides in the pram to soak in the sun, great the chirping birds and feel the manicure plants and hedges along the way. They are dreading the upcoming absence of the immeasurable joy of daily delightful times with their tiny tot and wondering how to cope. In a quite matter of fact way, the son is expecting his mother to travel with them for a few months to Bengaluru for initial support in bringing up the child, working parents that both are. Besides the disruption due to the shift of city, the elderly couple will also have to contend with living separately in their sunset years, a dilemma with no easy solutions and gaps between the said and the unsaid.
There are a galore of such cases of forced non-health situations which render asunder settled lives. Most common are the migration of children from rural areas to metros to make a living, leaving the parents to manage the evening of their lives on their own. Sudden loss of a child due to various reasons, natural or medical or accidents, can lead to unbearable bereavement and anguish. A senior citizen, in our complex, was shocked to wake up to the new year to find his 40 years old son taken away from him. He is bereft to say the least but is coping and helping his son’s family deal with the untimely loss. He has been compelled to don his biz gears again.
Life is both beautiful and not so beautiful and life has its own algorithm and randomness of selection of any of us to tranquillity or tumult. Given this time-tested reality, it’s best to brace up to face what may be dished out to us – good or bad. If faith can move mountains, belief can help face the hurricanes. After all, none can escape karma, but can only move within it. Philosophically, we are both the cause and the experiencer. We have no choice but to be conscious about this cosmic law and continue living without fear or dread. Karma not only decides but also provides, rest assured.
