Page 69 - Seniors Today June2020

a Gujju’s mecca. It boasted of dilapidated the slumlord. How does this story end?
apartment complexes run by slumlords
regularly seen on the 1st day of the month to
collect rent. This fit the Gujju mindset fine.
There was no one within miles to see them in
their boxers on the balcony chewing ‘daatan’
(toothbrush, if you will) while yelling to the
balcony 2 stories below, ‘ala, dukaan ma thi
thodu adu mara matey bi laavjey’ (bring
some ginger for me when you go shopping).
Jetha sought out Popat who hailed from
Kadi (known to his distant uncle’s in laws
partners) and joined his 4 roommates in
their studio apartment. Such was life then
that while 2 worked nightshifts the other
2 used the beds and vice versa. Money
was pooled and groceries bought with the
priority that each one would be able to send
at least $100 home every month. Jetha’s
simpleton enterprising mentality led him
to befriend the slumlord goon and he soon
became the apartment manager himself. He
would collect the rent from everyone a week
ahead of time. He would use that money to
stock up on essentials and sell them to the
apartment dwellers to save them trips (Jetha
did not work, he lived rent free, cooked for
his roommates and ran a business).
In 6 months along with his tuition money,
Jetha had saved up about $10,000. He
used this as down payment to buy the 10-
unit apartment complex with a loan from
Food is an important part of the Gujarati diaspora palette the holy land for diamond merchants hailing
SENIORS TODAY | ISSUE #12 | JUNE 2020
Well, Hoboken, NJ is prime real estate in
the USA now and Jetha owns 20% of the
commercial shopping strips there. Senators
and Congressmen alike now address him as
Shri Jethabhai Patel. He still eats khichdi and
shak with his hands and the only noticeable
change is he speaks Gujrati interspersed
with English. In that, while addressing
Governor Chris Christie at a garba-raas
function, Jetha said, “Hello Christiebhai,
everything ok ne? Bring your ‘baidi’ next
time and we will ‘rape’ her in a sari.” Last
heard, Christie is not to be seen in Hoboken,
he seeked the safer shark-infested pastures
of Capitol Hill in Washington, DC.
Dazzling With Diamonds
Now let’s move on down South to California
and the Shahs, not to be confused with the
Shahs of Sunset Blvd, an Iranian reality
show based in Los Angeles (this clarification
is for the common American on the street,
still bowled over by the different races
cluttering their land stolen from – you got it,
Indians!). Back to the task at hand, this sect
of the Gujju community is well known for
their shrewd and 1,001 ways of multiplying
wealth with other people’s money. And,
savvy reader that you are on the other side
of the hemisphere – Enter! the diamond
runners of Antwerp/Palanpore. With your
nose turned up you query in a very Britty
accent (cannot resist adding a cliché at this
point ‘saaley goray chale gaye bhokatey
kuttey chhod gaye’): ‘Now, now what is this
Antwerp/Palanpore conundrum?’ To those
not well versed in this vegan, eat before
sunset, donning a yellow tikka on your
forehead species, these are young Jain boys
in their teens who apprentice for distant
uncles in Antwerp (Antwerp, Amsterdam is
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