Thursday Tales

Listen To Your Doctor 

Dev, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Dev walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

 A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?” Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'” 

The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur.

“Will I Live To 80?” 

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age. 

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him,” Do you think I’ll live to be 80?” 

He asked, “Do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?”

 “Oh no,” I replied. “I’m not doing drugs, either.” 

Then he asked, “Do you eat mutton biryani and barbecued chops?”

 I said, “No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy.” 

“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?”

 “No, I don’t,” I said.

 He asked, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?”

 “No,” I said. “I don’t do any of those things.”

 He looked at me and said, “Then why do you want to live to 80.”

All About Love

“Love, Texas is a small but lively town,

Alyce Hills enjoys a morning stop on her way to work for coffee at the Love Café.

Everyone in town knows her as the head of Hills Temporary Agency, but locals simply refer to the agency as Hills.

That makes Alyce the head over Hills in Love.” 

-Sally Painter

It’s about Time

The elderly congregation was perplexed when the preacher pulled out a pocket watch and threw it to the end of the room. It slammed into wall and fell to floor in pieces, but the watch kept ticking.

“What does this demonstration tell you about life?” The preacher challenged the congregation.

A man in the back slowly stood up, leaning on his cane. He stared down at the ticking clock.

“Well, preacher, I suspect this watch shows that time flies and stops for no one.”

 -Sally Painter

 A Judge’s Prerogative

Judge Sheela slammed the gavel down trying to bring order in the courtroom.

Staring over the rims of her glasses, the judge frowned at the elderly man, Raj Roshan

“Mr Roshan, what do you have to say?”

“About what, your honour?”

“How did you managed to conceal your crime for sixty years?”

“Well judge, it’s quite simple. No one suspected me. I didn’t look like anyone who’d do such a thing. After all, you can’t judge a Book by its cover!”

-Sally Painter

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