Page 14 - Seniorstoday March 2023
P. 14
First Person
I’m married to a Bully –
what should I do?
His easy charm turned into devious manipulation, and his kindness
hinged on my toeing his line. The sad account of a 65-year-old who
writes this account anonymously
I am a 65 year young woman and my his kindness hinged on my toeing his line.
husband is 69. We met in college. He is I soon realised that my perfect guy was in
Punjabi and I am a Maharashtrian. We reality a control freak who demanded that
both studied in Pune and fell in love and got everything was his way or the highway.
married. Two years later I had a miscarriage He had an array of psychological tools
and after another two years we had a baby at his disposal to ensure I did what he
girl, and the Doctor said that having another wanted or suffered the consequences. The
child was not going to be easy. consequences range from ultimatums,
My husband was charming, attractive, manipulation, and threats to shaming,
intelligent, funny, and kind. He knew just blaming, and shutting me down.
the right words to say to make me feel By this time, 5 years into our marriage
special. He was the perfect guy for me — our daughter was born and suddenly the
until he wasn’t. In our early years, he was pressure eased on me and we were both
being overly attentive and helpful. He just happy again.
wanted the best for me. My dad, who was a Doctor, ran a
He’s a strong, decisive man who knows pathology clinic and after his demise I sold
what he wants and says what he means. the entire business to a group of Doctors
However, as time went by, if I didn’t and received a sizable sum of money.
listen to suggestions and friendly tips We have our own ways and ideas,
he came down heavily on me, criticising opinions, beliefs and assumptions of
and demanding that I listen to all his doing things that we have developed long
suggestions, even trivial stuff. before we met our partners. As a couple it’s
The charm turned into manipulation, and natural to want our spouses to have similar
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