India is known for its diversity. With 28 States and 8 Union Territories, language, food, clothing, customs, culture everything is different, but we all are Indians and finally have evolved a unique way to integrate and mix … Inter-caste marriages!
Earlier the horoscopes of the boy and girl were matched for chattees gunn (compatibility on different levels). Match making was done by the families. The recommendation of a family senior meant a lot. Caste, creed, status, name, occupation, reputation everything mattered, last and almost the least was the choice or opinion of the boy and the girl. They often had to hear from their parents that they did not even see each other till their wedding day!
The trend has changed for the better as more and more youngsters are educated, independent and working away from home. Young men and women often get to know each other having similar interests and enjoy each other’s company. It is common these days that they get into a relationship and start living together. This news when shared with the parents is taken with a pinch of salt and pepper. Their only concern is shaadi kab kar rahe ho? Everything else is almost irrelevant and adjustable. The religion is of concern but the caste or state doesn’t matter too much if both are within the ambit of a common religion.
There is an endless list of people around you who could be labelled under inter caste marriages….. Something which looked difficult a few decades ago seems to be working pretty well. It should be supported and encouraged as it is the best channel for national integration. Because the two individuals who love each other and want to be happy overlook or negotiate every problem, every hurdle, their families and finally the whole community try to understand and adjust to each other’s rituals, customs and “reeti rewaaz.”
Sometimes with a bit of initial resentment but most often adopting the rituals for fun and enjoyment. What used to be called a love marriage with some bitterness has evolved into an arranged love marriage!
Couples who took the plunge of a love marriage often struggled with various societal issues and acceptance. It is probably their resilience to make the partnership work despite all odds to make a successful happy marriage that has paved the way. People are beginning to understand each other willingly for the happiness of their children. Surprisingly this has taken a long time to happen. We all know that Royal families sent proposals for marriage to Princes and Princesses of other states, even countries. When a princess went from one state to another, she was also expected to adjust and learn the culture and protocol of her new adopted home. There are examples of the Maharaja of Kashmir HH Dr. Karan Singh and the Maharaja of Gwalior HH Madhavrao Scindia, (just to name a few) who married princesses from neighbouring country Nepal. Nobody thought it odd at that time, in fact it was seen with awe. Many other examples can be listed. Our EAM Shri S Jaishankar has a Japanese wife. One artist friend living in Delhi has a Japanese wife too. These women have adjusted and adapted well to their Indian lifestyle. Many Gujaratis living in Africa married into local communities. I know of a Bengali boy who married a Swedish girl and was blessed with a baby recently.
Here is a true story of a Tamil Brahmin boy Harish Jothimani who works in Japan and wanted to marry a Japanese girl but his parents refused flatly. In a weaker moment the parents revealed that they were objecting because she is not an Indian. One Gujarati couple Alka and Jawahar, who knew this family, felt they wanted to help. So what unfolded next is almost like a fairy tale….. this Gujarati couple formally adopted the Japanese girl Miki Ikawa after all the ritualistic and legal formalities. Her biological parents came to India and met her foster parents and then, the much in love couple were married in a proper Indian ceremony. They live happily in Japan with their two children Ayush and Ayan. They visit India regularly to meet their parents.
These days we see so many inter caste marriages….. A Sikh girl and a Malyali boy, Punjabi girl and Bengali boy, Kashmiri boy and Bihari girl, Marathi boy and Sikh girl and you name the combination, you’ll find it.
Here is the case of octogenarian Dr. Ratan Parimoo (recently awarded the Padma Shri) a Kashmiri who left his state to study art in Baroda in 1950s, met and married Naina Dalal a Gujarati, also an artist herself. Married since 1960, they have been living in Baroda. Naina has adapted so well to Kashmiri customs, observing the festivals and making conventional goodies on special occasions.
Heard of a Sardarji marrying a Bengali? Meet Gurcharan Singh Sekhon and Nandita Biswas. Happily married since 1980, they now live in Panchkula after retirement from the defence forces. The lady dresses like a pukka punjaban and speaks fluent Punjabi. They complement each other’s personality beautifully.
When two communities come together with the good intention they learn and respect each other’s customs and culture. Recently we were part of a wedding in Canada where an Indian girl, father a Punjabi Khatri and mother Kashmiri Pandit married a Nepalese boy. It was one fun filled wedding with religious, social and formal functions from all the backgrounds happening in sync with each other with perfect planning.
Bollywood too has contributed in its own way to bridge the geographical divide. Some examples are Dharmendra – Hema Malini and Deepika Padukone – Ranveer Singh and of course Sharimala and Patudi.
One way integration can be explained is that most South Indians even though they know English and understand Hindi refuse to speak any other language but their own, yet enjoy dancing to popular Bollywood songs. Our TV serials and movies like DDLJ have gotten half of India fasting for their spouses on Karva Chauth……. Isn’t that a marriage of Cultures?
