Page 23 - Seniors Today Magazine April 2024
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your life, ranging from work to family yourself from feeling overwhelmed by
relations to dating. It all starts with other people’s feelings. For example, you
understanding the difference between can acknowledge you are not responsible
healthy and unhealthy boundaries. for how another person reacts to your
decision to turn them down for a second
Types of healthy boundaries date.
Personal boundaries can come in many Material/Financial boundaries extend to
forms. However, not every relationship your belongings, such as money, clothing,
requires you to address every type of car, or home. If you are a charitable person,
boundary. For example, you might need to you might have a hard time saying “no”
set physical restrictions with a co-worker to people who want to borrow items.
but not financial ones. However, people may intentionally or
Physical boundaries help keep you unintentionally take advantage of your
comfortable and safe, not just when you are goodwill, and then you may notice your
dealing with strangers, but also when you own resentment building. When setting
are interacting with those closest to you. a material restriction, you might say
For example, you might tell someone that something like, “You can borrow my phone
you’d prefer handshakes instead of hugs. charger, but please put it back when you
Or you could tell a friend that you need to are done” or “No, I cannot loan you money
take a rest during a lengthy bike ride. If a for new shoes.”
physical space belongs to you, you can set Time boundaries allow you to focus
limitations around that as well. Perhaps on your priorities at work and in your
you do not want someone to intrude in personal life without feeling crowded by
your bedroom or clutter your study with other people’s needs and wants. Imagine
their items. that you have had a stressful work
Sexual boundaries could involve anything week and want to spend the weekend
from asking for consent before being recuperating. You might decline a party
physically intimate to checking in with invite or set a limit on how long you will be
your partner’s comfort level during sex. there. Other time-related restrictions could
Even if you have been with your partner include asking a friend to avoid calling
for years, you should make an ongoing you during you ‘busy; hours or asking a
habit of communicating your preferences. partner to delay an important conversation
You might want to reassess limitations until a more convenient time. For those in
and expectations surrounding things like retirement, just set the boundaries on time
frequency of sex and contraception use. and how much you want to give to each of
Emotional boundaries ensure that others your interests, relationships etc.
are respectful of your emotional well- “Daring to set boundaries is about having
being and internal comfort level. When the courage to love ourselves even when
setting an emotional boundary, you might we risk disappointing others.” “Do not
say something like, “I do not want to talk apologise for or rationalise the healthy
about this subject while I am at work on boundary you are setting. Do not argue.
something, because I need to focus.” You Just set the boundary calmly, firmly,
might also use these barriers to prevent clearly, and respectfully.”
SENIORS TODAY | ISSUE #58 | APRIL 2024 23
