“People think being alone makes you lonely, but I dont think that’s true.
Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”
Here’s a story of an American Jewish boy from Buffalo, who came from a poor family and won a scholarship to Columbia University. He settled into college, befriended his roommate and all was well till one tragic day while watching a baseball match, out of nowhere, he turned blind. It was a cataract that damaged his optic nerve. His world crashed, he went blind, got depressed, dropped out of college and went back to Buffalo.
This roommate went there and convinced him to get back to college.
“The darkness will accompany you but I will be your light.”
This roommate helped him graduate with a law degree followed by a master’s degree from Havard and a PhD from Oxford, and the poor boy from Buffalo went on to carving a very successful career of an attorney and a counselor at the White House advising presidents Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter. The boy’s name is Sandy Greenberg.
This roommate and friend is Arthur Ira Garfunkel of Simon and Garfunkel fame. He borrowed $500 from Sandy to release a record of a song made in honour.
And this is the story behind the most listened to song
“Hello darkness my old friend”
Yes, surround yourself with people who lift you higher!
There is no better way to live life.
What is the difference between being alone and loneliness?
It’s important to understand and be able to tell the difference between loneliness and being alone.
Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling of uneasiness and distress that can leave us isolated and yearning for human connection and intimacy. It’s important to recognise and understand the seriousness of loneliness as it can often be associated with mood disorders like depression, anxiety, stress, sleep related problems, high blood pressure, heart disease and even dementia which can impact you greatly.
Being alone or social isolation is a feeling we encounter very often of a need to have time to ourselves and just be, that is being alone. You can be alone without feeling lonely. Enjoying your own company is one of the greatest positive strengths to imbibe. It comes with teaching yourself to connect with your inner self, your talents, hobbies or doing simple chores that are stress busters and bring lightness to your soul.
Here are some tips to break up with loneliness —
Find support and talk about your feelings —
Be it a therapist, stranger, friend or family, it is important to find a good support system to share your thoughts. Talking with someone who is unbiased and more experienced or learned than you can help you navigate your feelings and set things into perspective. Start with talking to trusted family and friends and then to professionals, if you are awkward opening up initially.
Knowing yourself is the first step to understanding what you want and what you need.
Do not bottle up your emotions, emotions tend to intensify if they go unaddressed and will finally erupt like a volcano. It is vital to talk about what you’re feeling.
Practice gratitude —
Be grateful for the life you have. Being positive is easier said than done, its a journey and you need to keep trying. Its more important to be realistic about life and move on with an attitude of gratitude.
Reframe the argument —
Try looking at the situation through a different lens, it might make figuring out what you’re feeling and going through easier to understand. Different people have different interaction needs, so loneliness does not occur at the same time for everyone. View your time alone as a way to get to know yourself, self reflect and build on your strengths instead of drowning in your loneliness.
Reframe the situation in your mind and your body will follow.
Change your environment —
A change of environment can be a temporary distraction. Go for a walk, meet a friend, dine at a lively restaurant, or go to the theatre. Doing something out of the ordinary can ease your emotions and help soothe the pain of feeling lonely.
Make the most of your interactions —
Just spending time in the company of other people isn’t always the answer, sometimes being in an overcrowded place might even enhance your feelings of loneliness. The quality of your interactions make all the difference. Have some common ground with the people you connect with.
Fill your life with sound —
Silence can be deafening. Let there be happy noise in the background; music, sounds of nature like the wind blowing, the birds chirping, the lashing waves, the trees swaying, or even the TV news. Fill your surroundings with sound to get a feel of someone around.
Time to create —
Use your time alone to create, whether its art, music, dance or any hobby. Fill your time with something that makes you feel happy and connected to yourself. Find a passion, do something you care about, something that fuels you. Hobbies and relaxing activities also benefit mental health and developing new skills can increase your self esteem and decrease loneliness.
Spend time with animals for a quick fix —
Animals may not be able to talk but they make the best friends. It doesn’t matter if you own a pet or not, visit your local dog park, play with your neighbour’s dog but spend time with animals, it is the best form of therapy, as simple as your pet being around you can elevate your mood, and a feeling that you are not alone.
Take a break from social media —
In this day and age of social media, of connecting the world, loneliness is at an all time high. While social media makes things seem appealing it can also make you feel inadequate and left out. Taking a break from social media and focusing on your physical environment and in person interactions can do wonders for your mental health. Dont be a slave to your phone.
Remind yourself it isn’t permanent —
No matter what, the storm always comes to an end. However overwhelming it feels, loneliness won’t last forever. Take solace in the fact that it will come to an end and the end will be closer than you think.
Make sure you are not depressed —
Sometimes depression can mask itself as intense loneliness. It is important to make sure that loneliness doesn’t cause depression. If you are concerned that you might be depressed, do consult a doctor, reach out for help. A listening ear or any kind of support can make things a bit better.
Loneliness has been around for years but has especially made its presence known during the Covid-19 pandemic, having a big impact on those it affects.
Don’t let the waves of loneliness crash you. Learn to ride it!
