On November 20, 2021 Seniors Today hosted its weekly Health Live sessions with one of our regular guests Dr Monika Das. This session, hosted by Dr Das was on dealing with children who get hostile, ask for money or just don’t care.
Dr Monika Dass is a Chartered Psychologist, a Chartered Scientist and an Associate Fellow of the British Psychological Society, UK. Professionally, she has counselled over 12,500 individuals in a span of 20 years and has published several papers in both Indian and international journals.
A trained pianist and vocalist from the Trinity College of Music, London, Dr Dass has influenced many lives with the joyful learning of music. She has been actively involved in several popular musicals such as The Sound of Music, Joseph and His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat and so on…with her expertise in developing children through drama. She firmly believes that any extracurricular activity can help tap into one’s potential and bring out the best in an individual.
When you are in control of your finances, it gives you the confidence and the power to execute things the way you want to. Secondly, when you are in control, no one else can control you then. The moment you hand over things willingly, thinking that your children will love you more, or that they need the money, that is the first mistake you’re making. Obviously, the circumstances are different for each individual and there can be situations where one has to hand over their finances or money over to someone more competent. But 90% of us fall under the category where we can take care of our finances well enough pretty much right upto the end; barring a couple of years. It is thus important to try and figure out ways where you can try and control your money.
If you do decide to part from your money, make sure you ask yourself these questions before you do so:
- Is it a one time (financial) help or is it a situation where they frequently ask for money?
- Do you want them to rerun the money back to you?
- If you do hand them the money, what is the time frame within which they will return the money back to you?
- Is it likely to impact your retirement?
- Is the money that your children are borrowing, for a life threatening/ urgent situation or is it to buy an asset?
- Are you giving the money as a loan? If it is, an agreement should be set and signed.
- If one child is asking for money, are the other children aware of it?
When your children ask for money; keep in mind a few points:
- Evaluate the legitimacy of their request.
- Demand accountability.
- Help them with budgeting in case they are unable to do the same.
- Set limits
- Be honest about your finances and let them know about your limitations.
You need to be aware about any large transactions from your account, any large items missing from your home, and any changes in the will.
Financial abuse is a form of domestic abuse. If you suspect financial abuse from anybody or know someone who is being abused, you need to report it immediately to the police or to a trusted friend or other children in the family.
