Narendra Athavle, with his retirement around the corner, is a man with fixed feelings. He has had a successful career and had made a mark for himself in his industry with his acumen and prescience in his area of expertise. He was meticulous in his planning for the future and financial investments. Coming from a middle-class ethos he believed in values of family, frugality and fraternity. Unfortunately, he and his wife, Vrushali, in spite of cupid striking them and bonding them earlier on, had a fractious marital life full of friction and fission, which was held together more by a concern for their progeny of two wonderful children and their state of well being rather than anything else. Fortunately, he and his wife were aligned on this and had marginalised their desires of marital bliss rather than being subjected to the trauma of divorce. For over twenty years, they had separate bedrooms and had soon got accustomed to it. Regardless, in the interest of a semblance of amity and comity and to maintain their family cohesion in the current times of nuclear family, they had wisely invested in two separate apartments in the same building that they were living in, for their two children so that they could be near, yet far and provide for the children’s individuality and privacy.
As providence would have it, their first born and spouse soon moved out to carve out a separate life for themselves and the second child migrated to another megapolis. Narendra and his wife, Vrushali, are now empty nesters, living in their large apartment, with their own separate bedrooms and have to contend selling the apartments that they had bought for their two children, which at the best of times is not easy. Real estate can be the poorest form of investment and liquidity, as the knowledgeable will know. The Athavle’s had not bought the apartments as an investment, but as a means of keeping the family together under one roof, albeit tenuously. The current situation was not what they had anticipated and if they had their druthers, they would have led their lives differently and moved on earlier in their lives. They are now left ruing and contemplating how to go about downsizing and lead the remainder of their lives. They are left with no other choice, but to recalibrate their relationships not just with themselves, but with their children too. Living in comity and in community does come with challenges of different shades and hues. Nature has its plans laid out differently for each of us, perhaps.
Sangeeta Sabnis, a divorcee and a single mother, had a challenging childhood and a harried marital life, from which she had to eventually get out in her early 30’s and bring up her only son all by herself. She had to struggle all through her life to prove herself and get recognised in a company rife with politics and misogynist leadership. Only her tenacity and spirit had seen her through thus far. The capriciousness and selective approach of the current dispensation may not see her getting the extension of two years, like many others in her organisation had got, beyond the outdated official retirement age of 58. She is distraught and despondent, considering that she has a geriatric and ailing mother to look after besides securing her own living in the income-less post-retirement days. As a person of immense self-respect, not given to begging for anything, she reached out to her close mentor and well-wisher to discuss her woes and see how best to handle the situation. She is now busy preparing a fresh resume to scour for opportunities for retirees and sending out feelers. Whether she will get a job or not at the age of 58 is anybody’s guess and a tough proposition in spite of all the song and dance about jobs for the silver haired. The harsh truth is that, when there is teeming joblessness even for the young and the qualified worsened by AI and technology shifts, getting a worthwhile job is not going to be easy and may not happen at all. She has started taking stock of her savings and rejigging her portfolio, with the advice of her mentor, to work out some regular income for herself and her mother. She does not want to rely on her only son whom she had brought up with love and care for financial support, given her strong sense of independence. A fighter that she is, she is likely to face her situation with equanimity and courage. Artistically inclined, with an ability to paint well and make faux-jewellery, it is probable that she may one day have her solo show and get into business and monetise her passion.
Another well-qualified couple have been living in separate countries for years, with the wife periodically visiting India to spend time with her two children and maintaining some cordiality in relationship with her husband. Attitudinally, they are chalk and cheese apart, but putting up a façade of a married life. Forget separate bedrooms, they have been living in separate countries for years and somehow trudging along in their dry and desolate lives. Perhaps, solace is within all of us, as our texts say.
There is another instance of a couple in their seventies who have been living under the same roof, but separate bedrooms. The husband had a spasmodic attack one night in his sleep and went into seizure. Since he was behind locked doors in his bedroom, his wife, who herself was behind the locked door of her own bedroom, could not hear him falling down from his bed. It was noticed only in the morning when he did not step out for his customary morning coffee and she had to break open the door with the help of her neighbours. But then it was too late. He had had a paralytic attack with his right limbs severely affected. If only he had been taken to the hospital within the golden 30 minutes period, he could have been treated and recovered. But it was not to be, given the power and pelf of the providence. The wife is now left with the added responsibility of nursing her paralysed husband with whom there had been no marital relationship for years.
Then there are umpteen cases of people living alone, who live by the minute and the hour, not days or months or years, sub consciously knowing and accepting the uncertainties and the inevitability of the day of reckoning. A second cousin, was living in Pune all by herself, after her parents had passed over time, as did her only brother during the dreaded covid times. She was living a secluded life far removed from any contact with any relatives or friends. We came to know of her passing a month later, through her uncle. She had been seemingly ailing for sometime and there was no one beside her on her last journey. Her estranged daughter lived in distant Germany and had no emotional connect.
These anecdotes are reflective of destiny guiding and controlling our lives. Dark clouds, there will be, silver linings there may be, but there are no guarantees in life for sure. It is for us to cope as best as we can, as realistically as we can. Life can be lone and forlorn.
