Tuesday, December 12, 2023

Rediscovering sex in our seniors years

So what if you’ve passed your prime and well within your golden years.

Crossing 60 does not mean you can’t revel in some fun.

Infact 80 is the new 60, which makes 60 the new 40.

Recently I came across an interview with Jane Fonda, who at 80 says she has never been more intimate with her feelings and her body, in fact she knows very clearly what she would or would not put up with in bed.

Who said sex cant be a part of your golden years.?

Being a senior does not mean you have to sit in a chair knitting tea cosies from dusk to dawn. Even if you are well into your senior years, sex can be a wonderful part of your life.

Sex is a natural part of life and important for your mental and physical health. It’s a way to connect with your partner and yourself. As your bodies and minds mature and change, so does your relationship with sex. You can’t expect to be agile like bunnies when you’re now a mature rabbit.

Ageing leads to change and life transitions and allows you to redefine what sexuality and intimacy means to you. If you’ve ever been curious about spicing up your sex life, you might want to continue reading. It’s not about bendy positions, Karma Sutra or recreating the past, it’s all about just showing up.

Here are some ways to spice up your sex life in your golden years —

Remember that your body has changed-

As you age, sex isn’t the same but nonetheless it can still be extremely pleasurable. While older adults do face challenges when it comes to sex like erectile dysfunction, low libido, find penetrative sex painful or are unable to move their body in a certain way. Don’t let these challenges deter you, there’s a solution for it all. There are medicines, lubricants, physiotherapy, a gentle approach and even alternatives to penetrative sex.

Where there is a will, there is a way.

Expand your definition of sex-

Let’s get a few misconceptions out of the way.

Sex without intercourse is still sex.

Sex is more than just babies and procreation.

Sex is any activity that arouses you, wakes you up and brings you sexual pleasure. Meaningful pleasure in touching, kissing, foreplay and other intimate connections between you and your partner become more gratifying than penentration.

Once you let go of preconceived notions, understand your sexual abilities and needs and simply be open minded, there is a whole world of ways to to enjoy sex and intimacy as an older adult.

 Embrace change in sexual desire-

The only thing you need to do is alter your mind set. Once you free your mind, accept your change in sexual desire, the change in your body and the change in your needs, it’s very easy to enjoy sex as an older adult. Be open and honest with yourself and your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t, what your sexual interests are and what you can and can’t do. Sexual experiences are wonderful no matter your age.

 Take your time-

As you age, it takes longer to get aroused. Be patient with yourself and your partner.

 Explore each other’s entire bodies

Your skin is your largest sex organ. Touching and being touched all over is one of the most pleasurable acts. Explore new ways to touch each other- lighter, slower, faster or harder. Trial and error is the only way to figure out what you and your partner enjoy. There’s no “right” way to enjoy touching, everyone likes different things. The way to keep it exciting and pleasurable is constant communication.  It doesn’t matter if you’ve known your partner for donkey’s years or a couple of hours. Your body has changed and it’s time to rediscover it and what turns you on.

 Use your mouth and hands-

Oral sex is a great alternative to penetrative sex. Communicate with your partner about what you like and what you don’t. You’ll be surprised as to what your hands and mouth can do to your partner.

Explore the erogenous zones-

The erogenous zones in your body tend to change as you age. Looking for these new erotic spots can be surprising and fulfilling at the same time. Exploring yours and your partner’s erogenous zones is a great way to connect.

Masturbate and massages-

Sometimes self pleasuring with your partner can be a satisfying way to have sex . You pleasure yourself, your partner pleasures themself. Afterall you know your own body the best.

A sensual body massage can lead to delicious, relaxing pleasure. Give it a try!

Use sex toys-

Sex toys can amp up your sex life. There are numerous sex toys available nowadays. Choose one that will serve both you and your partner. This is a sure shot way to jazz up your sex life.

Set the mood, don’t skimp on the romance-

Set the vibe. candles, dim lighting, flirting, kissing, massages, going on a date, touching, dressing sensually are some ways to get the ball rolling (pardon the pun). Do not pinch pennies when it comes to romance.

Kissing is key-

Kissing doesn’t have to lead but it can definitely pave the way for sex. Think of kissing as the accelerator in a car. It stimulates the brain and revs up your sex drive. For some extra intimacy and loving, engage in a lot of kissing.

Use personal lubrication-

Vaginal dryness and friction can be painful as you age. Being sufficiently lubricated while engaging in sex is vital. If your body cannot produce enough lubrication, use store bought lubrication. This can enhance your sexual experience and make it more comfortable and pleasurable.

 Use protection-

Physical intimacy can be risky, no matter your age. Sexually transmitted infections and diseases can affect you at any time. As you age, it becomes harder for your body to fight infections so be sure to use protection. Make sure you use new and unexpired protection (condoms). Another tip- before engaging with a new partner, its wise to get tested for STIs and STDs.

 Be loving non sexually-

Being affectionate and loving with your partner outside the bedroom is so important. Simple acts like holding acts, kissing, sitting next to each other, going on dates, looking into one another’s eyes are simple but effective ways to stay close to your partner (physically and emotionally).

Explore Tantra-

You may have heard of Tantra. Tantra is an ancient Hindu practice of combining the physical and spiritual realms of your being into a meditative sexual practice. Tantric sex isn’t about contorted postures or multiple orgasms, (although that can happen). It’s about being totally present and aware of your body, whether you are alone or with a partner. According to Tanta, sexual energy is the human version of nuclear energy. This means it can be wildly creative and passionate or equally destructive, depending on how you harness it.

Communicate with each other and give feedback-

Give each other plenty of feedback in the moment, before or after, especially about what feels good and what doesn’t. Simple questions like-

What did you enjoy?

What would you like to try next?

What do you like?

What do you need to reach your pinnacle?

What is uncomfortable for you?

What do you not like?

What is off-limits?

What are you nervous about trying?

It’s essential to communicate openly and honestly about your needs and desires. It’s completely fine to be honest and vulnerable with your partner. Sexual partners who communicate openly have a fulfilling and roaring sex life.

 Visit your healthcare provider or a sex therapist-

Visit a sex therapist or healthcare professional if you need help dealing with specific issues.

To sum it up…

Real sex. Satisfying sex. Hot sex.

Every type of sex is a part of life and there is no age limit when it comes to sex.

Openness, mindfulness, letting go of judgements and being willing is what leads to great sex.

Vinita Alvares Fernandes
Vinita Alvares Fernandes is an Economics graduate, a writer and a Trinity College certified public speaker and communicator

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