A man is walking by an insane asylum and hears all the residents chanting, “Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!”
Being curious about all this, he finds a hole in the fence. When he looks in, someone pokes him in the eyes.
And then everyone in the asylum changes their chant. Now they are shouting “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”
One day a famous celebrity now old and grey went to the old age home to check in on his friends and see how they were doing.
His friends recognized him immediately and they chatted and laughed – all except for one man.
The old celebrity was miffed. Didn’t this guy recognise from TV? Didn’t he know how famous he was?
Puzzled he went up to the man and asked, “Don’t you know who I am?”
The man looked at him in the eye and said, “No. but if you go up to the front desk they will be able to tell you!”
Don’t party so hard!
It was dead of the night at 2 am when the cop spotted an elderly man driving erratically on the street.
He pulled him over and asked, “Where are you going at this time of the night?”
The man replied, “I’m on my way to hear a lecture on alcohol abuse and its effects on the human body, smoking and its ill- effects and the perils of partying out late.”
The officer the asked, “Oh? And who would being giving that lecture at this time of the night?”
The man replied, “That would be my wife.”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. ‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.’
Watson replies, ‘I see millions of stars.’
‘What does that tell you?’
Watson ponders for a minute.’ Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. ‘Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.