Whether you’ve just met someone, been dating for a while, currently living with a partner or celebrating your golden jubilee, seeking ways to spice up your relationship is expected.
Unlike romantic comedies and heart gripping romance novels, real life relationships are hard work. Maintaining your relationship and watching it thrive takes effort but it doesn’t have to be difficult. No matter how much you love your partner, the longer you’ve been in a relationship, the more you tend to take it for granted. It’s very normal for life to get in the way and your relationship put on the back burner but it’s up to you to make sure it doesn’t turn to ash. During difficult times, it’s easier to avoid facing your frustrated relationship and intimacy issues but don’t ignore it for too long.
There are many tried and true ways that work to add some zing to your relationship —
- Try something new- Relationships grow stale when everything just feels like a routine. A mundane week can quickly turn into a mundane month, year and life. Try something new with your partner. Go on a vacation, take some time away from the kids, go on a drive, cuddle. Just do anything that will shock your routine life.
- Physical touch- Making out, neck kisses, holding hands, sex or even playing footsie like teenagers. Any and all types of physical touch unleashes a waterfall of oxytocin in your body. The results of the power of physical touch are instantly noticeable.
- Admit when you’re wrong, there is no time for an ego powerplay- It can be hard to admit when you’re wrong but it’s important to do so when you’re in a relationship. Admitting when you’re wrong doesn’t make you weak, in fact it shows your partner that nothing and no fight is more important than them. So admit when you’re wrong and who knows as a bonus your partner may learn to do the same from your example!
- Listening to each other- You cant be the only talker or listener in the relationship. Listening is a two way street. If you want to be heard you have to listen to your partner. Genuinely make an effort to listen to your partner without interrupting them or trying to take over the conversation. This is one of the best ways to rebuild the intimacy in your relationship and bring you closer together.
- Be vulnerable- sometimes it’s not easy being vulnerable. But talking about your deep thoughts and desires should come with ease when it’s with the one person who is the closest to you and who loves you for better or for worse. Learning about each other’s blind spots, discovering new things about one another is a loving process that builds trust and intimacy, not one that causes shame, this does deepen your intimacy. Simple questions like
“How was your day?”
“How are you really feeling?”
“What is on your mind?”
“What’s wrong?
“What can I do to make our relationship better?”
- Communicating an emotion that’s not I love you- I love you is the most important thing you can say in a relationship but it shouldn’t be the only thing. Try saying things like –
“I’m so proud of you”
“I’m so grateful for you”
“You mean so much to me”
“I cant live without you”
- Eat together (have breakfast or coffee together)- While eating dinner together is the obvious way to spend quality time with your significant other, sometimes life gets in the way and dinner together isn’t possible. Try starting your day together by eating for breakfast or even just sharing a cup of coffee. Who said coffee dates are just for the young?
- Spend time apart- This may sound silly but a break from your partner every now and then can improve your relationship. Everyone needs their own space and quality time with themselves. Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for your relationships with other people. It’s imperative for individuals to take time for themselves to grow personally and be independent. Stepping away regularly will prevent your time together from growing stale and will liven up your relationship dynamic.
- Do one thing that you want your partner to do- When it comes to relationships, you have to create what you want, not wait for it to happen or in this case wait for your partner to do all the work. You don’t have to constantly do things only both of you like doing together. Sometimes you can put your partner’s wants and needs above your own. Do something they want to do even if you don’t.
- Try to impress your significant other- Dress up for date night or maybe wear lingerie to bed instead of your ratty old pyjamas. Add some pizzazz to your relationship with a dash of extra effort. This little bit of extra effort will make your partner feel loved and appreciated.
- Date night- Most successful couples know how to have fun together. Taking time out of your busy schedule to spend some quality time is essential to a healthy relationship. Making the effort to have a date night and do something out of the ordinary is a great way to revive the spark. A candle light dinner, movie, picnic or even a drink at a bar- as long as its something you do together it doesn’t matter. If you live together- try getting ready separately for date night instead of seeing the whole getting ready process. This element of surprise and only seeing the final product 9 out of 20 times guarantees first date butterflies.
- Say thank you- falling into routines and being so comfortable around one another, can often make us forget the small things like saying a simple thank you. It’s also important to express appreciation and gratitude. It shows your partner how much they mean to you and how grateful you are.
- “Love” in your partner’s love language- Everyone’s love language is not the same. One person’s love language may be physical touch while others might be words of affirmation. So don’t forget to love your partner in their love language from time to time.
- Remember the small things- The little things mean more than the big things. A surprise, a random bouquet of flowers, a compliment out of the blue, celebrating valentine’s day after 38 years of marriage, remembering the day you first kissed or a gift because it reminded you of them. These small gestures are what matters.
- Kiss your partner unexpectedly- A random kiss on the cheek, a long smooch goodbye or a peck in between a movie. Surprising your partner with a random kiss is a sure shot way to awakening those wriggly butterflies in their tummy.
- Laugh together- Relationships are just friendships with exclusivity and a whole lot of sex. Loving each other is crucial but liking each other is a must. Laughing together is the best medicine for your relationship. Laughing not only bonds you together but also helps you remember that you are with this person because you enjoy spending time with them.
- Fight- While nobody wants to argue with someone they love, disagreements and fights are healthy and inevitable in a relationship. The worst thing you can do is roll your eyes or show contempt. So, what works? Speak softly and politely, don’t attack your partner instead try to get your point across calmly. Screaming at one another is not going to get you anywhere.
Try some of these tips with your partner to get them to flutter their way right back into your heart, stomach and below the belt.
