Dead by Covid

Death has a right to its own valour, dignity and self-respect, writes Vickram Sethi

My niece, all of 35, lost her husband to the Covid-19 pandemic last year. He was two years her senior and they had been in love right from college. They also have a daughter aged nine and his death was a traumatic experience.

Once he was detected with Covid they took him to the hospital. For two days, he was on the stretcher lying in the corridor. Finally a bed was allotted to him. Five days later, he succumbed to the disease.  It took eight hours for the family to find a hearse. There was a queue of almost 70 ambulances and tempos waiting to carry the dead into the crematorium. The hearse driver estimated that this queue would take anywhere between 12 to 14 hours before their turn. He reasoned that waiting in the queue for 24 hours would mean a loss of business and started demanding three times more money. The poor wife and her sister seated in the hearse, cried, pleaded and finally agreed to pay the higher sum to get body into the crematorium. 

For a moment, sit and imagine the trauma of the widow. And for people like her who have had similar or worse experiences in carrying out the rituals of their dearly departed during the pandemic.

The pandemic has changed every aspect of our lives. For those who have lost loved ones, their lives have been shattered. The above-mentioned couple has a nine-year-old daughter. How does one explain to the little girl the empty seat on a dining table? We often talk about building roads, dams, irrigation systems, Chandrayan etc. etc.; but we don’t have a comprehensive policy that responds to the diverse and changing needs of different communities in India? As citizens we are truly left in the dark, to deal with the endless formalities of death. Everyone does not have the luxury of being given their space to grieve the loss of their beloved, and are left to face the burden of bureaucratic traumas to add to their trauma.

Death is phenomenon like no other. It is an equaliser that touches every aspect of human existence — cultural, spiritual, social, economic, legal and financial. Yet, the government seems to ignore these very aspects of human existence. Covid-19 has exposed the glitches in pour systems and the need for a creative, effective and lasting solution to dealing with a pandemic like situation. 

For those marginalised in life, death, often adds insult to injury.  During the pandemic, due to the sheer scale of bodies lying in wait for their last rites, people were unable to cremate/ bury their dead. There were bodies buried on the banks of the Ganga which got exposed once the area got flooded. Imagine the guilt of the son who couldn’t afford wood for the funeral and in the middle of the night and was forced to bury his dad in the sand on the banks of the river. The pandemic also showed us destitute funerals where two or three bodies were cremated together. The whole world watched in disbelief the images of numerous pyres burning on the roads and wherever a place could be found. The image of India took a huge beating.  

The way we are currently handling the most difficult moments in life— that of dying, death and grief, all too often results in dissatisfaction and distress for the family. Unfulfilled emotions, unsaid last goodbyes and unsatisfying funeral services are distraught situations which have become de rigueur. Covid-19 has thrown all of us into an unparalleled state of ‘stress of grief ’. The funeral restriction of not allowing all near and dear ones to be together in the last hours, at a time when you most need the support and comfort from your family and friens is devastating. The pain just lingers on. The death of a loved one is the hardest thing any of us can go through.

The pandemic has changed the way we die but let’s not forget that even death has a right to its own valour, dignity and self-respect.

The diversity and different traditions of the various communities in India with each one’s funeral rituals being unique to their custom and tradition, have been forced to alter their rituals. Equal rights in life as in death, is a fundamental duty that our government must consider as a priority mandate. Our approach to death needs to be relooked in order to build better death care services and last rites. It is incumbent for the government to look into funeral services and to meet the emotional needs of families. Most of us at sometime or the other have been to a crematorium with shabby broken toilets, leaky faucets, smoke and tobacco stained walls, uncomfortable seating arrangements, sometimes open drains, emotionless attendants trying to get the better of you. 

Why can’t the government or some corporate houses (as part of their CSR), build first class crematoriums which are peaceful and clean, that would comfort the families who bring in their deceased? And provide a dignified service befitting the last rites of passage through this world?

I remember reading on the wall near the entrance of a crematorium: मंज़िल तो तेरी  यही थी, बस ज़िन्दगी गुज़र गयी आते आते (Manzil toh meri yehi thi, bas zindagi guzar gayi aate aate).