There was something romantic about celebrating Valentine’s Day in the Seventies. Love was an emotion that was not commercially exploited as it is today. One wrote little poems, love notes, letters, cards, sent flowers, chocolates and perfumes. The time and effort put into creating these gifts made them meaningful. Creating cards was an experience and some of the emotions that went into the process of creativity were straight from the heart. It was a way to showcase creativity and thoughtfulness. The newspaper was full of advertisements of restaurants offering Valentine’s Day music and candlelight dinners. Newspapers also carried a page where people wrote messages to each other. Most couples used their pet names but all the same it made interesting reading. In the seventies, in India, perfumes were not available, so a perfume/ aftershave was a very special gift.
Valentine’s Day was an evening movie (corner seats), followed by a beautiful candlelight dinner and the drive back home made it all very romantic and special. The simplicity of the 1970s gave way to a more modern and commercial approach to Valentine’s Day. Technology has had an impact on Valentine’s Day celebrations. Social media, Facebook, Instagram and other online platforms have made Valentine’s Day a public display of affection. Couples now send messages to each other for the whole world to know and read. The romance of the Seventies has evaporated, slowly but surely. Love letters were the ultimate expression of affection during this era. Couples would pour their hearts onto paper, carefully choosing their words to convey their deepest emotions. Love letters were often treasured and kept as cherished mementos, serving as a timeless reminder of love.
In today’s fast-paced world, technology has become an integral part of our lives, and Valentine’s Day is no exception. Virtual gift cards have gained popularity, allowing couples to choose a gift that suits their partner’s preferences without the hassle of physical shopping. These digital gift cards can be personalised and instantly delivered, making it a convenient and thoughtful option. While this is very convenient, it is also very impersonal. Today, hotels offer all kinds of esoteric experiences, couple massages, special dinners, venues, music… all to enhance a sensual experience.
The seventies were known for their iconic romantic movies and music, which played a significant role in shaping the cultural landscape of the time. Films like ‘Love Story’, Saturday Night Fever’ and ‘The Way We Were’ released much earlier but popular through the decades was ‘Summer Holiday’ that captured the essence of love and romance during this era, often portraying epic love stories that resonated with audiences.
Could there be a better time than now to be young, so many opportunities, so many options, it is as if every significant arena in one’s life has been fundamentally redefined, whether it is sex, work, friendship, family, personal relationships, entertainment, shopping, education and knowledge have undergone a fundamental transformation. Now everything is up in the air, gender is fluid, and sexuality is the Genie that has been set free. A new social order is in place and sex is as easily available as ordering groceries. All it takes is a smart phone and voilà you have so many options.
The evolution of love and sex from the seventies to the present day reflects a seismic shift marked by technological advances and changing social norms. Dating apps have redefined the landscape of intimacy, broadening the spectrum of acceptable experiences. The essence of relationships has had a profound transformation yet amidst this liberation questions about the future of marriage linger, will commitment find new forms or will the paradox of endless choices lead to a yearning for deeper connections.
A Valentine’s date was a special evening. One made all the efforts and planned for the evening. Today, online dating has also become a significant factor in modern life. With the rise of dating apps and websites, couples are now meeting and forming connections online. Technology has brought about a radical change in the dating game, now there are dating apps on your smartphone that will help you find love, sex all within a few clicks. From speed dating to finding someone on these apps, you can reach millions across geographies or someone in your immediate neighbourhood. The apps help you start a conversation, both parties are aware that sex could be the final destination. You can create your own profile, look for a partner exactly the way you desire. People are putting up badges indicating what they are looking for. Something casual or that they are polyamorous, or kinky, gay, lesbian. One can express their wants and needs in advance.
Gen Z and millennials have changed the definition of sex. Open your appstore on your smartphone and you will find the following Apps. Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, Happn, Hinge, TrulyMadly, Woo, Badoo, POF (Plenty of Fish). I don’t know if these apps are legal, but they are used by millions of people and are there for every Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy to see.
The apps present an opportunity for exploration as well as pursuing compatibility and deeper connection. The conversation about sex is more open and people are seeing it more expansively. This is how it works –
- Step 1 – Download dating app of your choice
- Step 2 – Create your profile and upload a few of your images
- Step 3 – The algorithm matches people who have similar interests with you as per your profile.
- Step 4 – You can swipe right in case you are interested in a profile.
- Step 5 – The person whose profile you swiped on will get a notification with your profile.
- Step 6 – In case the said person is interested in your profile, he or she will swipe right and you will be matched after which you can start chatting with the person.
Growing up in the seventies and eighties, I remember describing sexual activity by reference to a football match. Penalty, offside, corner and finally Goal. There was never any doubt as to what “Goal mara ki nahi” meant or “Game bajaya kya”. To score a goal was to go all the way to finish the game. Although the Seventies was an era of free love with slogans such as “make love not war”, this never made any headway with Indian girls. The war was in Vietnam and girls in India only wanted to marry. Even today, the vast majority of men and women in India can have sex only after marriage.
So where do we go from here? What happens to love and marriage, is it redundant? Since, sex is available at a click without any commitment and it could be a new experience each time. Can young people fall in love and can they make love last? The young today face a world where all the rules are new and options plenty. Technology has squeezed itself into every aspect of our lives. Will this change the concept of marriage? Maybe marriage will happen with a deeper sense of commitment and understanding. On the other hand, there is a sense that everything is possible but nothing is quite enough. It is not surprising that mental health is becoming a problem of significant proportions.
Today, one hears of the word “open marriage” which means that the couple are free to have sex with whomever they want. So then is this just a boarding lodging arrangement with on occasional romp thrown in? It is also accepted that a man and a woman may live together like a couple. They may go on holidays together, the problem arises when the relationship ends and the woman accuses the man of rape. The question is what happens when the woman breaks up the relationship and finds someone new, can the man accused her of anything? There is an imperative need for re-evaluation of the legal framework particularly related to the complexities of consent, rape and breakup accusations.
Society does not take kindly to the sexual needs of older people. The young tell their story, their passion and their beautiful bodies have dominated the screens and advertising for eons and it is always be like this. In fact, older males are shown with nubile young younger women and a derogatory comment like “Buddha bahut Tharki hai” or “Rassi sad gayi par vat nahi gaya” is made. People wrongly assume that older people no longer have sex or want it.
It is also taboo for a woman even to express a desire to have sex. Let alone pay for it especially women who are of a certain age dissatisfied with the quality of sex they have had or the lack of it in general. Lack of communication hinders their lives but they still want pleasure, passion in their lives. Sometimes it could be a lack of effort on their male counterparts. Many women find themselves alone through death or divorce or other circumstances, yet they miss the pleasure of touching and being touched. Today’s women are bold and open to the idea of paying for good sex. If a man can so can a woman. The journey from the past to the present needs reflection on the delicate balance between freedom and responsibility in the matters of heart.
While the customs and traditions may have changed, the essence of Valentine’s Day remains the same: a celebration of love. So whether you choose to celebrate in the 1970s style, or embrace the modern style, may this Valentine’s Day be filled with love, laughter and cherished memories!
