I have always been intrigued by the culture of Japanese race, they are so polite and respectful to people at large, and even express disagreement in a soft musical tone.
Reading up on what makes them develop into these kind people is a couple of things they are taught to imbibe from a young age —
IKIGAI — means having a purpose in life, a reason to wake up to each morning, simple four concepts of IKIGAI – do what you love, do what you are good at, do what the world needs and do what you can be paid for.
KAIZEN — means focusing on small improvements everyday, as small as a 1% better version of yourself.
SHOSHIN — approach everything with a beginner mindset. It’s a concept from Zen Buddhism- “when your mind is empty, you can fill it with new good stuff, but if your mind is filled with noise, there is no space to try out new concepts.
HARA HACHI BU — stop eating when you are 80% full, or else you will feel lethargic.
SHINRIN-YOKU — Shinrin means forest and Yoku means bath, yes spend time basking and bathing in nature.
WABI-SABI — find beauty in imperfection.
GANBARU — be patient, do your best in all situations.
Now that you have read this far, you may ask, what is the connection with the heading of this article –‘Making your bedroom romantic once again.’
Well, if as an older adult you have not evolved to what the Japanese culture teaches, you will not be able to pass on joy and happiness to anyone. Your partner in bed needs that the most, to unwind for the day feeling peace and joy to waking up with a purpose for a new day- smiling. This can only be passed on from one human to another; no worldly riches can provide this. Once you develop a mindset of joy in your soul no matter the external factors you will exude joy wherever you go.
Having said all this, when internally all is well, external factors can definitely spice up the bedroom. Yes ambiance matters too.
A few tips that would definitely spice up the bedroom —
LIGHTING — it’s a personal preference—lights off or lights on? Set a happy medium.
If you like dark, dim candlelight can make a happy medium or open curtains with streetlights is a wow factor.
If you like bright sunlight, sheer curtains could keep out the glare for your partner.
MUSIC — choose the genre that both like, sing along too or dancing could be great foreplay.
COLOURS- TEXTURE- CLOTHING — these are very important, soothing colours- like lavender, blues are relaxing and red, hot pink are game-changers, go with the mood of the day.
Texture- while satin feels soft and smooth, it also causes a lot of static- watch out for these people repellant fabrics. Soft cotton breathes best or for those cold winter nights lambskin works well.
Clothing- definitely get out of those slouchy track pants and sweaters or long maxi kaftans. Know your partners’ likes and dislikes.
AROMAS — not necessarily candles or infuser oils, it could be the cologne that gels with your body chemistry, the shower gel or body lotion. Try your natural odour sometimes, it works best.
THE BEDROOM —Screens are a spoiler, how do you deal with it? Put on some soothing background if you must, or something romantic to get you into the mood, but definitely off when the steam picks up.
Art and artifacts should be bedroom appropriate, not family or ancestor’s portraits.
Furniture in a bedroom should be loungy and comfy, sink-in furniture.
Your bed, mattress, sheets, pillows, should be the best investment of your life. After all you spend 8-9 hours a day on it, your body revives and your soul thrives. Get on with it.
“Let’s talk about spicing up our marriage” can be one of the biggest deterrents to get you back on track, especially for men. Heavy discussions are for the boardroom, here acts of kindness work — a great meal and a glass of wine, words of affirmation throughout the day can lead up to a romantic evening, gentle touching, flowers, unannounced gifts will definitely be more effective.
Ask a woman what would spice up things for her?
Ask a man what would spice up things for him?
Here are some researched answers —
“She wanted a higher bed, a room with velvety, red curtains and a soft, fluffy area rug. She wanted scented candles and her favorite piece of art on the wall across from her bed.
Her husband listened. Later on, while his wife visited a friend for the day, he bought a thick mattress topper to elevate the bed, red curtains, a lambskin rug, and an oil diffuser with varied scents. He took the art out of storage, mounted it on the wall, and surprised her with a whole new bedroom when she returned. “
Confidence is one of the biggest aphrodisiacs around — feeling good about you can help both people when it comes to foreplay, the play and after play.
