Food is a gift from one generation to the other

Our mothers introduce and sustain us through their lifetime with diverse foods served with love, which leave a deep impression on us, writes Vinita Alvares Fernandes

Since evolution, there is so much emphasis given to making the best first impression. Even if you subsequently meet people several times later on in life, you will never forget the first impression the person had on you. I would go further to say that association usually never changes, later meetings and character build-ups are an extension of the first impression. This first impression is usually visual, what you see in front of you and the impression you create of the person in your mind.

I grew up hearing this saying “You are never too thin or too rich” and though I was not rich, I was always on the slimmer side and had the liberty of indulging in anything I chose to eat, in any quantity without it making a difference to my size, this was true right till I had my babies, hit the thirties, forties and now fifties. Through all of these ‘sizable differences’ you do receive a barrage of comments at social gatherings — 

“Oh you have lost so much weight” 

“Are you pregnant?”

“What’s happening?” with a scan from top to bottom.

All of these comments do hurt a bit, and are quickly overcome, except the comments from your mother, yes your mother. What she says about your looks, your size, your personality matter the most, right from the cradle till death do us apart. You can try all you like to let it be,  ‘water on a ducks back’ and it may hurt a tad less with age and life’s’ experiences, but you are never immune to your mom’s comments.

It really is a two-way sword —

A mom who dishes out finger licking meals, day in and day out, encourages you to try different cuisines, especially when travelling. 

“You must dig deep into the culture of the place, try out local restaurants, interact with its people, use public transport and experience a homestay if possible to get the true feel of a place.” Is the constant advice.

Eating three meals, all freshly made, a table set with a variety of vegetarian, 

non-vegetarian, all different tastes and colours is something we grew up on. Sunday lunch was extra special usually a four-course meal. Dessert was a must at lunch and dinner, 

“and now something small to sweeten my mouth,” my mum would announce.

So, eating three full meals, and a few snacks in between with staying slim was a norm for me right up to my pregnancies, after which it has been a constant struggle to keep the weight off and down. 

You got to give to get —

Give up the dessert after each meal (now it is an occasional treat) 

Give up processed carbohydrates (especially at night)

Give up snacking between meals.

Lifestyle changes need to be made, lest you encounter the scan and comments with more aggression from mommy dearest.

“I am your best critique, no sugar coating, I will always tell it as I see it, you are my child remember?”

We always accepted mum’s word as the final.

Fast forward to the days that I am now the mom —

The focus has been on eating healthy wholesome meals and snacks from the word go. 

With the world of Internet, the amount of information out there, children really do make choices of eating healthy from a young age. 

They inculcate a lifestyle of a combination of exercise and healthy eating.

Keeping food diaries or apps to monitor nutrition with calorie intake are very much the norm. 

Know your BMI, 

Am I putting on weight or building muscle?

What’s my gut health like?

All this, in quest for the Baywatch body.

However if you do not fit on the page, this side of the spectrum, you can most definitely call your size for yourself, and nobody especially your mom has the right to comment or body shame you. 

It is just not okay to do that anymore even if it is for health reasons, you cannot comment on size. Much of society has moved towards a more inclusive way of weight standards and size inclusivity has become more mainstream.

Fashion shows featuring plus sizes, stores for exclusively plus sizes, looking fashionable in your plus size body is also a huge retail market.

Falling prey to the thin fad, still exists, and will continue to exist but with boundaries of no threat to plus sizes. We no longer are comfortable using terms like obese, fat person, but rather more sensitive terms like ideal weight, positive reflection.

The two aspects of a life that we are constantly chasing — 

• Eating joyfully, fully and in abundance 

• Being slim and staying that way.

How does one deal with this?

Being obsessed is not the way out — 

• It can sever relationships with the victim and people around, 
• Lead to disorders like anorexia, bulimia and mental health 
• Lose the love and enjoyment for food and the bonding that comes with it.  

Disordered eating and eating disorders can affect anyone; it can be caused by a combination of biological, social, cultural and environmental factors and not just by being exposed to the diet culture. 

I always endorse that balance is key — starving will compromise your well being, overeating does the same, getting preoccupied with your food intake, your weight and the guilt that surrounds it is no easy task, get a professional to hand hold you for a kick-start in the right direction, learn about your body, fatphobia and food till you can do-it-yourself. 

Your identity, race, gender, age, or socioeconomic status should not define you 

— Nor that nagging voice of your mom at the back of your head 

— Or the saga to attain a thigh gap

Some things will never die.